From here I could tell that the Dr. was worried too.  He was trying not to let me know.  As he set down the flashlight that he had been shining into Analiese’s eyes he picked up a great big bright toy!  I thought that she would for sure watch this.  He moved it slowly back and forth in front of her.  She just stared into space as if there was noting there.   The Dr. then went to his tie that he was wearing, which was also bright, and waved it back and forth slowly and yet again nothing.

By this point I was standing there watching this thinking, “you have to be kidding me!”  I had told the Dr. about my concern, but Analiese  should have come into the office and looked at him and track things and show that I am a worry wart.  She was supposed to prove me wrong.  By this point I was FLIPPING out inside.  All of a sudden he stopped moving his tie and accepted defeat.  I was right!

At this moment he said he was sending her to a pediatric opthomolgist.  He had given me a name of one and he was even nice enough to schedule the appointment.  I know from my other children and all of their issues that this is not a good thing!  It is actually a really bad thing when your Dr. feels that he needs to sit down and call another Dr.  Now I was again FLIPPING out inside.

On the way home I called my mother-in-law.  She is like my best friend.  She is the one I always call first.  Tears were welling in my eyes and I told her how the appointment had gone.  She was silent!  This is never good.  She usuaully has so much to say.  She tells you that it is all fine and she tells you that it is just a precaution.  She helps you figure out how to fix it.  This itme though she was silent.

I felt like it was 10 minutes before she said anything.  I am sure it was more like 1 minute but to me it felt like an eternity.  Here I was looking for infinate wisdom and all I got was silence!  Then she spoke and she was alomst yelling, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!”  I said,  “well no I am not.”  This was me stalling while still waiting for her to reassure me!  Then she said, “I am speachless.  How much crap can be put on your plate?  I just cannot believe this!”

It was then that I cried.  She was right.  I already had a child with Mastocytosis, undiagnosed bipolar and another child with Cerebral Palsy.  When would God think that enough was enough?  Why me is all I kept saying.  I am a good person.  I have always been overly kind even to nasty people.  I went to church on an almost regular basis.  Why was God doing this to me?  All I had ever wanted out of life was to be a mother and have the “perfect” family.  This mess was anything from perfect!

Links to the Full Series

Baby Blind Part I
Baby Blind Part II
Baby Blind Part III
Baby Blind Part IV
Baby Blind Part V

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