Time out is one of those parenting tips that everyone throws around.  It is something that is supposed to work.  I think that it all depends on the kid.  I have found that there are some things that you have to make sure happen when you do time out.  They have worked for my oldest, my middle daughter and even my two year old gets the idea.  The trouble is that even I forget that time out can work because from time to time I get too emotional.

Yes it is true that I tend not to keep my cool.  I yell and yell and yell a little more.  Then I throw them in time out while screaming some more.  I yell most of the time they are in time out.  If they stay in time out that is.

Then there are those other days when I do time out right.  Here are the steps that you are supposed to take with time out.  I have found time and time again that when I follow them time out is much more effective.

1. Have an area in your house that is the time out spot.  This can be a step, a time out chair, a mat on the floor, or even a large stuffed toy
2. Do not make your time out spot in a child’s bedroom.  This is where all of their toys and things that they love are.  If they are told to stay there where is the punishment?
3. Only place your child in time out for 1 minute per year.  So if your child is 6 then they should remain in time out for 6 minutes.  This is because your child’s attention spans grow with the child.  You cannot expect a 2 year old to sit in time out for 10 minutes.  they just do not have it in them.
4. When you are placing your child in time out remain calm.  This is so that the message is not lost.  If you remember way back when you were a child I think that you will remember that you stopped listening once people were yelling at you.   Kids are no different right now.
5. Tell your child why you are placing them in time out.  Say, “Abby, I you need a time out because we do not speak that way in this house.”  This makes it clear to the child what they have done.
6. Set the timer and walk away.  It is important not to engage your child when they are in time out.  If they get out of time out, place them back and restart the timer.  DO NOT TALK TO THEM.  This feeds into the game that they want you to play.
7. When time out is over tell your child again why they were placed in time out.
8. Do not force your child to say that they are sorry.  This is my own personal belief.  All you are doing is forcing the child to lie.   If they are sorry they will say so on their own.  I think that you should never tell a child to say sorry when they are not.  Many times the child is not sorry.  You are not looking for sorrow.  You are looking for an understanding of what they did and that it was not acceptable in your home.

Sounds easy right.  If you look at Nanny Jo on Supper Nanny she will even make you think that it is simple.  For those of you who know me you know that I am not a sugar coat it kind of person.  IT IS HARD.  It takes a lot of work and you have to be dedicated.

One more note… It is alright that you take a time out if you need one.  I have done it before and it works.  Sometimes it is not the kids but the adult who needs a break.

Do not handle time out like my favorite episode of Lucky Louise.  He did it all wrong!

Becca

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