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Growing up I had my BFF. Not only was she my BFF but she was my only true friend. I was not hated by all but she was the one. She was the person that I visited after school, slept over all weekend and had a blast with. We were not the most popular girls in school nor did we want to be. We were fine with that. We were ourselves. We played Barbies until we were older then I am willing to admit. We were two peas in a pod. We went for walks around the neighborhood and stayed up all night watching movies such as Dirty Dancing! She was my escape from everything else and the ONLY person who really knew me. This was all fine until one day it changed.
One Summer afternoon my BFF told me that she was moving. I was all of a sudden broken. As I think back on it now I wonder why it was so untactful. Either way it was the worst moment of my life and one I carry with me. I felt abandoned and alone. She was my friend, she was my BFF she was part of me. I remember thinking that this could not be happening. My mind raced with ways around it. Could I go too… Perhaps she could stay… perhaps it was a dream and I would wake up soon… QUICK some one pinch me!
It was no dream. She was off to start a new life and I was left here alone. We had plans that in the summer I would come and visit. I looked forward to it for the rest of the school year. I could not wait. I missed my other pea. I needed to have my BFF back! While waiting to go and see my BFF something happened. I met a new friend. A boyfriend! I was so anxious to have someone to tell all of my secrets to. Someone to love me no matter what. Someone to share me with. And so it was. By the time I went out to visit my BFF I had a BFF (boy friend forever!). This made things tough that summer. My BFF who had moved had changed as had I. We spent three very hard weeks together and it ended us forever!
Over the years I have been sad about this loss of a BFF. Can someone really be a BFF or is it childhood dream. I remember having the heart necklaces together. You know the ones where one person had the “best” and the other had the “friends”. At what point is all of that lost? I think that we grow and even in that short amount of time in 9th grade that we were apart we each changed. The change was not a bad thing. It was just something that neither of us expected. As teens I think that we were not able to share that knowledge that perhaps we were growing apart. We abruptly stopped talking to one another and have lived our lives for the past 17 years without one another. The weird part is that she is always there in my head.
Recently I reconnected with this BFF of the past. I so want to be 14 again and try again but it is just too late for all of that. I have to live in the now. I am a mother of three now. I have new BFF’s (I think I am too old to call them that), I have changed so much as a person over time. In my head she is still the same person she used to be. I know in my heart that this is silly to think but I want it to be true.
So I am beinging a new journey with my BFF of the past. I am not sure how it will go. Perhaps we will have nothing in common. Perhaps she has not thought about me at all in the past 17 years. Perhaps I am just trying to cling on to a past that I have not resolved. Either way I am thrilled to have found her. To be able to tell her how much I think about her. To be able to show her the new me. Perhaps the journey will be a great growing experience!
Becca
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You are never, EVER too old to call someone a BFF.
I’ve always heard that people will come in and out of your life when you need them and it is right for them to be there. Cherish your memories yet be open to and also enjoy building a new relationship with this familiar yet different woman. She is there for a reason.
My that was deep. It is what I truly believe but kind of touchy feely in print. Oh well!
Thanks for the post I enjoyed it.
Moira
It sure was deep and very clearly said what I have been thinking about the entire situation. Thanks for visiting Moira!
Becca
CK I just feel silly saying my BFF. You know it is what all of the teens say. I am so not a teen any longer. Thanks for stopping by!
Becca
Becca, I know what you mean. I recently started using Facebook.com and found my old BFF from high school. He moved away and I thought we would never talk again. And I am a guy. When we found eachother we started talking in our “code’ again and eberything. It was so great. We are both in our 30′s now have kids and would like to meet eachothers families. It is weird and I will take his friendship in whatever way I can, weather we talk weekly or yearly, it is always nice to have that 1 person in your life who knows you for the past and the present and maybe someone who is not invested in our everyday life.
Mike you bring up a good point that it is nice that they are not invested in your current life. The only downfall that I see with this is that we grow and these people still see us for who we were. This means that they may not want to know who we are now or worse yet they may not like who we are now! Good luck with you old BFF. I will keep you all posted!
Becca
That’s so sad. Although it’s kind of nice reconnecting with people who knew you when you were young, even if life has moved on. You can feel like a kid again just because you’re with someone who has that memory of you as a kid.
It can make you feel like a kids again! I do not know what I am looking to get out of it… Perhaps some closure. I just wanted to reach out because I have so missed her over the years!
Becca
I’ve recently cyber bumped with friends from hugh school,and have to say it’s very neat to share the now me with them and see their now them! We all have things to share,and it’s cool to catch up!Some of these were really close and some not so,but it certainly is a new journey I’m enjoying at this point.And I agree every thing and one for a reason so be open and def try and enjoy the ride.Thanks for the post,now I know I’m not alone out there cyber bumping!
I love this….. I totally can relate! I think that some friends you are lucky to get to see more than others and some you get to see less frequently, or even infrezuently all together.. but what bonds you is the same. You can pick up a conversation and talk for hours and reminisce about the past and the present and future… it all makes sense to both people…good friends are important to have… U consider you one of them. it has been a long time but as soon as we got back in touch all the old memories came flooding back and made me smile… hope we can connect this summer I would love to see your beautiful family!